What to Tell Children about Divorce

by Tristi Pinkston | More from this Blogger

11 Jul 2008 10:00 AM

Divorce is a hard thing for any family. When a couple who was married in the temple decides to divorce, it can be even harder in some ways, because of the teaching that families are forever when they're sealed in the temple. Children feel that because their parents were sealed, the marriage is steel-clad and nothing will ever go wrong. But because we have our free agency, things do go wrong, even in temple marriages.

What do we tell our children about divorce? A lot of this will depend on the ages of the children, but here are some ideas.

1. You still have an eternal family-it will just take a different shape than what we expected. You are sealed to your parents even though they aren't sealed to each other.

2. Free agency is a powerful thing. The temple gives us the promise that if we live worthily, we can be married forever, but this is something that doesn't happen just automatically. It must be worked on daily. And as people in the marriage make choices that aren't in keeping with what their spouse would like them to choose, sometimes those marriages come to an end. This doesn't make the temple less powerful.

3. It's best not to confuse children with discussing cancellation of sealing. It's true that the temple sealing is in force after the divorce until the paperwork has gone through to cancel that sealing, but children don't understand exactly what this means. One mother commented to me that her husband told the children they were still married in Heaven, so it didn't matter what happened between them on Earth. I believe he was trying to give the children some measure of comfort, but this created a false hope in the children's hearts. One thing that must be pointed out is that the temple blessing is predicated on worthiness. An abusive husband who does not repent can't plan on being sealed to his family forever, even if the marriage began in the temple. No unclean thing can enter the Kingdom of God.

As a child of divorce, I remember my greatest concern being that of identity. Who were my parents now? Who would I belong to? You can give your children reassurance as you teach them that they are children of God, that He is aware of their suffering and that He is crying along with them. Tell them that He is watching over them and wants the best for them. He is mindful of their welfare. We might not know what His plans are for us or how He's going to straighten everything out in the afterlife, but we can rest assured in the knowledge that His plans always incorporate our very best welfare, for we truly are His children and His love for us is immense.

Related Blogs:

But They Were Married in the Temple

Free to Choose Liberty and Eternal Life

Thinking about my Dad

Learn more about Tristi Pinkston

I've been a blogger for Families.com since August of 2006.

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