Sunday Review: Hurt Feelings and Self-Confidenceby Nola Redd | More from this Blogger 29 Jan 2007 10:15 PM I don't know how your Sunday went, but mine was absolutely fabulous. I was touched to the quick by the talks in both Sacrament and Relief Society. Both left me feeling uplifted and with a desire to improve myself. If you have read my RS/EQ lesson preparation from last week, then you know that I have struggled with the issue of hurt feelings. I have prayerfully considered what steps I need to take to change, and have asked the Lord for a great deal of guidance. I don't feel that I am a candidate for inactivity, but I know that I too easily have my feelings hurt by those I love. Sometimes (I think) the act is deliberate; most of the time, it is thoughtless negative remarks. The Relief Society teacher prepared a great deal for the lesson, putting a lot of thought into her study. As a formerly inactive member who had been born in the church, she had a great perspective for many of the remarks, and would echo those Elder Bednar spoke with - "I never thought of it that way, either!" she would exclaim. You could see that the lesson touched her. As we drew to a close, I rasied my hand to ask whether hurt feelings were a sin to some degree, if neither anger or malice was part of the emotional problem. I then received not one but two wonderful spiritual advice from the sisters of my ward. One told me that the hurt feelings were a sign of a fear of inadequacy in myself. Since all of the hurtful comments centered around my role as either wife or mother, positions to which I feel the greatest responsibility and, yes, the greatest sense of inadequacy, this rang quite true in my head. The way to avoid those hurt feelings, then, is to strengthen my self-confidence in those roles. Similarly, if any of you suffer from similar self-doubt, then working to increase your confidence will help you to better shrug off hurtful comments. My plan is to not only improve as a wife and mother, but also ask Heavenly Father to help confirm that, yes, I am doing a good job, despite not yet being perfect. The second comment that had a strong impact came after I noted the two areas I felt most hurt in. The woman teaching the lesson, while speaking with me afterwards, noted that these are the two areas that Satan targets especially. "He knows that if he can get you to falter in either role, or both, that he can triumph," she said approximately. Wow. I never thought about it that way. But the truth is, the woman, the wife, the mother is frequently the spiritual leader in the household. Most of the time, she is the primary nurturer and teacher to the children. Mothers, then, carry a target only slightly smaller than missionaries-to-be. Such a thought strongly intensified my desire to triumph in these roles. Perhaps you feel yourself confident in all roles in your life. However, if you find your feelings hurt or yourself offended, I urge you to take the time to examine your own emotions on the subject. How much of the hurt comes because of your lack of confidence? With that type of knowledge, it is far easier to move to the point where you can let go of hurt and anger and forgive. Related Articles: Learn more about Nola Redd  Freelance writer Nola Redd is a stay-at-home mom to three kids, with a fourth on the way. Relevantlds tags User Comments  Shannon Wakeland (60) 30 Jan 2007 05:41 AMThanks for sharing this! Years ago, I was the same way and luckily found myself gradually becoming stronger and more confident. Takes practice and giving yourself a pep talk each and every morning. Good luck! Nola Redd (7081) 30 Jan 2007 07:55 PMOoh, I like the pep talk idea! Definitely one I will consider and possibly use! Thanks! Community Tags bednar, confident, faith, offend Discuss this article
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