Marriage Fights: Communication

by Nola Redd | More from this Blogger

Over the last two weeks, I've done a series of articles based on the top four causes of marriage fights and divorce. All four of these disagreements stem from one essential problem in a relationship: lack of communication. When you and your spouse communicate and work together, the relationship runs smoother. But when you choose to work separately, you pull in different directions instead of as a team, and the wagon breaks apart.

Let's quickly review the four causes we touched on. First, money. When the two of you sit down and decide on your financial goals, and devise a plan to work on to achieve those goals, your spending patterns change. Much of the tension that comes with bill-paying is vanquished. There are no more secrets, no reasons to be ashamed of overpurchasing, because you have worked as a team.

Next, religion. Most Americans, and especially most Latter-day Saints, consider themselves to be religious in some way, shape, or fashion. But when you and your spouse disagree as to the importance of things in your marriage, your relationship suffers. We are taught in our church that our faith is more than a Sunday activity; it should permeate every aspect of our lives. When we don't feel like we are walking together down the road to eternity, we can become anxious, depressed, or stressed out. Again, communication of what our spiritual goals are and how we desire to achieve them is crucial.

Third, the almighty in-laws. Improving communication with them will certainly improve that relationship. Synchronizing with our spouse will also make a significant decision. You need to agree on how you will handle any extended family problems. You need to talk about any misbehavior by Mom or Dad, and you need to work together to develop a strategy on how to handle any problems.

Finally, children. Like your in-laws, you and your spouse need to have a plan for how you will handle the little (and not-so-little) tykes. (I wonder if there is a correlation there...) You need to discuss how many children you feel comfortable with, and you need to determine how you, as parents, will relate to them. This will not only improve your marriage relationship, it will also increase the love and harmony in your home, and your relationship with your children will ultimately improve.

The Lord expects us to communicate with Him on a daily basis to develop a strong relationship. The same is true with our spouse. This is the reason that date nights and parent councils are so important - they give us a time to discuss any problems and resolve them. Working things out when we are relaxed is a far better plan than trying to get on the same page in the middle of the fight.

As we improve the communication in our marriage, our relationships will improve. We will be less stressed, and fight less, because we have already agreed to a plan. Of course, people will make mistakes and sometimes act in a way that goes against what was agreed upon. Remember that old habits die hard, and as long as we are both striving to improve, there is no reason to stress out about mistakes. Forgiveness is essential in marriage.

And so is communication.

Related Articles:

For more articles in this series, click on the Marital Relationships link at right.

General Conference From the Past: The Enriching of Marriage

Pray and Plan to Help Your Family

Date for Your Family's Sake

Learn more about Nola Redd

Freelance writer Nola Redd is a stay-at-home mom to three kids, with a fourth on the way.

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