Loving Ourselvesby Miriam Caldwell | More from this Blogger 15 May 2006 06:52 PM Too often as women in the church, we are too hard on ourselves. It is so easy to look at other women and see their happy little families. They may have a good front on to the rest of the world, but they may be struggling inside. The only result of comparison with others is a negative one. In most cases you are simply deciding who is better. This has a negative result for at least one party involved. If you are feeling inadequate or stressed beyond your normal limit, than you should step back and reevaluate everything that you have taken on. You shouldn't berate yourself, or feel that you have fallen short as a wife or a mother. In every life there is room for improvement, but you do not need to berate yourself because you have not yet achieved perfection. As you see the sisters around you in Relief Society, you can see only one side of the picture. I am a very private person and few people ever know of the struggles that I am currently facing. I try to put on a happy face when I am around others. I do this for many reasons, but mainly because I really am a private person. I do not want everyone to know every problem that I have faced and dealt with in the past. I think it is important to realize that while someone may appear to have a wonderfully perfect life they too may face personal struggles or feel inadequate in some way. One way that we can help each other as sisters is to build one another up. If there is a quality that you admire in someone be sure to tell her. If you notice a new dress, be sure to compliment her on it. As you do these things you will begin to feel more at peace with yourself. Reaching outward nearly always helps you to feel better about yourself. As I write each week about things that you can do with your families that involve church activity, I worry that I may be making some people feel overwhelmed by ideas. My purpose in writing is to give suggestions, and to give you something new to think about. I know that each of you will know what is best for your families, and that you will find the proper balance for yourselves. Learn more about Miriam Caldwell  Miriam is a SAHM mom of three children. She has a daughter who is seven, and two sons, four and two. She loves being a parent and spending time with her children. Relevantlds tags User Comments  LadyElizabeth (290) 08 Jun 2006 08:57 AMYou are absolutely right about not comparing ourselves to other sisters yet that is what we too often seem to do. When someone else suceeds brilliantly, we seem to let ourselves feel inferior, by comparrison. I remember once when I was painting the backdrop for a roadshow production at the church on day. A woman walked by and saw my work. She became instantly threatened and demanded to know if I had had help in painting the background. She hoped that if I had indeed had help, then I wasn't really that good and she wouldn't feel inferior to my talent. I had painted it myself and I'm sure she was also a good artist, but she didn't need to feel threatened if I also was good. There are some people that feel the need to tear others down, so they can be the one top. There are others who will feel threatened if someone else suceeds, and they will lower their own self-esteem because of it. There are others who will see someone suceed and be happy for them, and glad that the Lord provided many people with many different talents so all needs could be fufilled. I mean what one person can compose the symphony, play all the instruments, conduct the music, and be in the audience appreciating the music? We have very unreal expectations of ourselves. Abraham 3:19 God teaches that no matter how brilliant one of His children may be, there are always others who are more intelligent, and others who are less intelligent. Each spirit has the talents and gifts THEY need for their mortal mission and what they earned by righteousnessand work in the pre-existance. COMPARRISONS ARE USELESS! Apples are NOT oranges! We waste so much of ourselves in worrying if we measure up or not. The only person we have to be better than is ourselves. I have a friend who is STELLAR. I mean she eclipses me in everything I value myself on. I began to worry that I might not be of much worth if I couldn't even be as good as her. I took the problem to the Lord and He taught me to look at the heavens. Even though one star is weaker/smaller than another, it STILL gives light to those in its sphere. DUH! In that moment I was reminded that I had all the necessary gifts/talents I needed to perform MY mission and I was doing it well. I had no need to compare myself to another. I didn't have HER mission, thus I didn't need her gifts. You can't use one key to open another lock. The groves cut into the key are made to open a specific lock, not every lock. We need to realize the good that we have done and stop looking to compare ourselves with others. We need to build each other up and support each other as sisters. We never know what trials another is silently dealing with. In writing my last book, Forged in the Refiner's Fire, I was amazed to learn the depth of trials and spiritual training that everyday ordinary sisters are facing. Someone you see at church may be and often is, going through something you wouldn't imagine someone could live through, but they are, and though they are struggling, they are often suceeding brilliantly and the Lord is using those trials to add depth of spirit to their souls. Often times it is WE who are facing the trials. The Lord loves us too much to leave us as we are. He refines us into Celestial beings. A kind word, and an understanding heart are so much better than harsh judgement and excluding someone, because we don't know what is truely going on in their lives. Good call Miriam, let us all love and support each other, be less threatened by each other's successes, and focus on our own missions. That will help us become a Zion society. Community Tags lds, self esteem, women Discuss this article
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