Family Generations Ties and Boundaries

by Miriam Caldwell | More from this Blogger

21 Sep 2007 10:36 PM

Family dynamics can be difficult when you are first married. You may find it is difficult to balance between the two extended families and the needs of your own family. As a parent to a newlywed you may be struggling with how to let your child go and how much is really healthy. This is a time when feelings can be easily hurt.

It is important to remember that husband and wife should cleave together to begin their new family. One way that they do this is that they leave behind the old. This means a priority shift when it comes to family responsibilities and priorities. If both the parents and the newlyweds realize this, it makes a much easier journey.

One dynamic that can seem different, in the church, is that we believe that families go on forever. So how does that work with moving forward? As an in-law you may be struggling with the fact that the child you cared for, is now leaving. What does that do to your responsibility towards the child? How big of a role should you take in his or her new life? You should be supportive, pray for your children, and help as you can when asked. However you are no longer responsible for your child's choices or actions. It is important to step back and let your child make choices and only give advice when asked, or when you feel that it is very highly needed (this is very rare).

If you are newly married, you should take the time to make sure your parents and in-laws know that you still love them. As you let them know that you want to include them in your lives, and in your children's lives, a lot of tension might be relieved. However, it is important to realize that you may need to set firm boundaries to keep the peace in your home. You should defend your spouse to your parents. You should also avoid complaining about him to them.

As the entire family strives to make these adjustments you can have a family that is strong across generations. There is much that each generation can learn from the others. It is important to respect boundaries and family responsibilities to make it work.

Related Articles:

Eternal Siblings

Committing to Eternal Marriage

Balancing Your Marriage and Your In-Laws

Learn more about Miriam Caldwell

Miriam is a SAHM mom of three children. She has a daughter who is seven, and two sons, four and two. She loves being a parent and spending time with her children.

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