Because I'm a Perfect Mother . . .

by Tristi Pinkston | More from this Blogger

29 Aug 2008 10:58 PM

Back before I had children, or rather, back when I had one child, a sweet little girl who never caused me any trouble (once she stopped waking up at one in the morning and screaming for an hour) I would see parents with their children on leashes and I would think, "How barbaric! I can't believe any parent would do such a thing, treating their little darling like a dog. My children will never be put on a leash."

The other day, I sent my husband down to Wal-Mart to buy a leash.

You see, last week my precious, well-behaved toddler decided he was going to take off across a parking lot in front of a moving car and I fell trying to catch him. I've mentioned this before and I'm really not trying to milk any more sympathy out of you good people . . . okay, yes I am, let's be honest. However, my point in bringing it up again is this.

I was wrong to judge those other parents.

I have no idea why their children were on leashes. But I know why mine is-to save his life. He's young enough that he doesn't understand the concept of cars+running in front of them=death. He's fast enough that I can't catch him (as evidenced). When I put that monkey backpack on him, with the attached leash for a tail, I am quite possibly saving his life.

Perhaps those other parents had equally good reasons.

I can't count how many times I've been judgmental of another's parenting techniques. I'm so sure I could do it better. I mean, really. How hard could it be? A little firmness, a shake of the head-the child would be putty in my hands, right?

Um, sure.

Parenting is hard work. I can't think of any other task that is so emotionally draining, so physically exhausting, so gut-wrenchingly hard, and so overwhelmingly joyful. There are days when I want to run screaming for the hills. There are days when I cry because I'm so happy to be mother to these incredible children. And there are days when I must put them on leashes. I'm doing the best I can. Other mothers are too. And I shouldn't judge them. I have no idea what they're going through. I have no idea how many times they might have gone splat on the asphalt while chasing that now-leashed toddler. And I have no right to think critical thoughts about someone who is also just doing the best they can.

Related Blogs:

It is the Ones Who Don't Have Kids Who Seem to Know the Most

When People Make Assumptions and Say Rude Comments in Public

Watch Out for Premature Judgment

Learn more about Tristi Pinkston

I've been a blogger for Families.com since August of 2006.

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Michele Cheplic (37349) 30 Aug 2008 04:56 AM

Yeah, I used to think the same thing about those leashes. ;-) The ironic part is that once my DD saw the monkey (she loves monkeys) leash on another kid she begged me to get her one. I didn't. Also, I find the mothers who are the first to judge are usually the ones that could benefit from some serious self reflection themselves and when they make the same mistakes as the rest of us "other" mothers, then there's an excuse for it OR someone else is to blame--ALWAYS! It's never them.

Tristi Pinkston (10839) 30 Aug 2008 04:18 PM

It's very easy to be judgmental -- I fight it all the time! But that's because I'm perfect, right? :)

Kara (21390) 30 Aug 2008 05:10 PM

Kate has one of those monkey leashes. She adores her monkey and asks to wear it. People say tons of things when we're out and she's wearing it but its cute on her! We use it at the mall when she refuses to hold our hands or be in the stroller because I can't catch her and she doesn't get it. She's old enough that if she wants to walk she should but so independent she thinks she can go by herself! I don't like the idea of a leash but we don't call it a leash or treat her like she's a dog. When people make rude comments or look rudely at us I usually say "Isn't she just so cute?! Look at how happy she is!" and pretend I didnt hear or see what they felt they needed to share with me.

Tristi Pinkston (10839) 30 Aug 2008 05:51 PM

It's been cute to see my son with his. We call it "Monkey" and when we took it to the store the other day, we bought some bananas for it. :) I think a lot of it has to do with the parents' attitudes toward it and if they encourage their children to think of it as a positive thing or not.